Mothers Day 2016

This Mothers Day is especially hard for me.  Even though I am so thankful to be a mother to one amazing little girl, and another baby on the way I am still finding this day to be very hard.  My mom passed away in October 2015 after fighting heart failure for two years.  Even though it was a long time coming, it was still very hard to see her go.  I remember that day just like it was yesterday, although it was just over six months ago.  My mom was medically being kept alive, the machines and meds that the doctors had her on were literally keeping her heart pumping.  She needed a heart transplant, but before they were even able to get her on the list (they tried numerous other things first), she was too sick to number 1, wait for a heart, and number 2, she would never make it through the surgery.  For the last few days we'd been hearing the same thing, there is nothing more they could do, but that morning they basically said she would never come off of the machines, and she would die up there in ICU.  She was forced to make her own decision.  Stay on medical life support for god knows how long, or turn all the meds off, go off of oxygen and go to sleep peacefully.  I'll never forget that day, my mom chose to die.  She said that she was tired, and she was ready to go.  The doctors said it was a extra emotional case, because most people who were on life support are usually unconscious, and it is their families deciding to withdrawal care, not themselves.

As soon as she made the decision, the paperwork was filed and the process was started.  With family surrounding my mom, the doctors turned off the meds, gave her something to calm her down, and eventually she fell asleep.  After she was comfortable, we removed the oxygen.  She slowly drifted away.  The whole process took approximately 5 hours.  The longest / most difficult 5 hours of my life.  Being able to sit with her, hold her hand, listen to her stories, record a goodbye video for my daughter, laugh with her, cry with her telling us to stop, sit quietly, and just be there, is bittersweet.  I'm not sure what is worse, watching someone slowly decline over a few years, and then sitting with them while they actually go, or being in an accident and them just being gone instantly. I've never dealt with the latter.

My father in law actually passed away nine days prior to my mom, and unfortunately I did not attend his funeral, as I knew it would be one less day that I would get with my mom.  I basically didn't leave the hospital that last week, and I wouldn't change it for a thing.  Those last moments with her I will always cherish.  I'm sure every holiday, birthday, mothers day, etc., will get easier with time, but so far they've all been firsts, and they suck.  As I look forward to the birth of our next child, I'm already upset knowing that she won't be there, as she was in the delivery room for our daughter, and was definitely supportive through my labour.

To my mom, to all moms out there, thank you for being there for us, no matter how horrible we were to you at times, no matter how many bad choices we made (and I've made a ton!), no matter how many times we didn't listen, thank you, thank you, thank you!  Mom, I love you and miss you!! xoxo

 Mom and I, after they'd turned off the meds

Mom, at our wedding in 2011

Constipated....Again!

My poor baby girl is constipated again; it has only been two weeks since she was in the hospital. I have been doing what the Doctors suggested; no oatmeal, increasing fluids and giving high fibre fruits and veggies. Makayla was doing really well for the first week or so, pooping pretty well every day and progressively getting "softer". Well this week has been the complete opposite; she hasn't gone in four days. Two days ago she had two tiny, rock hard, rabbit pellets. Oh great...just what the Doctor told me to watch out for as that is the first sign of constipation.

This morning she was acting just like she was before I ended up taking her in last time; cranky, pushing trying to go. I took her diaper off and lo and behold there is poop once again "stuck"! The hospital had sent us home with some lube in case this happened again. I used it and encouraged my monkey to push it out. I won't get into details, cause it's nasty, but let's just say I "helped" her get a rather large, rock hard piece out. Tonight, again, she was pushing and whining, so I did it again; another large hard piece. I am really hoping that tomorrow she can have a normal bowel movement!

Oh the things that I NEVER would have imagined doing almost seem "normal" once I became a mother. What can I say I love it! Ummmm...being a Mom, not "helping" Makayla poop...just to clarify. Hahaha...

Makayla In The Hospital

This post has details...gross details...so don't read it if it will offend you!!! You have been warned.....

Since starting on solid foods Makayla's bowel movements have slowed down dramatically! When she was a newborn she would go 10 times a day, that slowly moved to a couple a day, down to 1 a day....well...she hadn't gone in about 6 days and I was starting to get concerned. The last time we were at the Doctors I did mention to him that she was starting to slow down and he said not to worry, this always happens when you switch to solids and she may not go for a week or more and not to worry.

Makayla has been extremely cranky the last few days but I just assumed it is because she just cut her first tooth and there is probably another one on the way. Two days ago she was straining to go to the bathroom, when I checked her diaper there was a little poop (stuck half way in), I helped her get it out; she continued to push while on the change table and I could see that there was more in there but it wasn't coming out. I figured it would come out later. Two more days went by and she still hadn't pooped...I knew it was in there because I had seen it!

Last night again Makayla was straining so I took her to the change table, took off her diaper and again could see poop in there, but it looked to big to come out...she was SCREAMING in pain. I put some baby oil around her anus and waited while she pushed. Nothing. She was in so much pain. Oh and the smell was disgusting...if it is possible - imagine rotting poop!

I called health link and told them what was going on. The nurse gave me a bunch of suggestions on things I can do if I suspect she is constipated; drink prune or pear juice, mix brown sugar or corn syrup in water and have her drink it, increase her fluids.....it is too late for this lady!!! She IS constipated!! Then she suggested that I go to the pharmacy and get a glycerin suppository and insert that in her bum.

When I got to the pharmacy I grabbed some pear juice (to start giving to her so this doesn't happen again) and I talked to the Pharmacist explaining what was going on. He told me not to use a suppository since she is pushing and I can see poop the suppository won't work. He explained to me that all a suppository is going to do is make her muscles contract so she will push it out....she is pushing...it's too BIG! He said that I needed to go either to the medicenter or the ER to get this de-compacted...I chose the ER.

After waiting about an hour and a half in the main waiting room (everyone loved Makayla who decided to test out her voice) we were moved into another waiting room for minor treatments! Minor treatments....are you kidding me!!?? While we sat here waiting for our turn we sure saw a variety of "minor treatments"! Sprained ankles, trouble breathing, slips in the bathroom, various cases of stitches, a boy swallowed the ring from a key chain, toddler smashed his head on something and had a HUGE bump, guy got bit from his boa constrictor, old crazy drunk lady, fall down the stairs, oh and the list goes on....

A few hours later we finally got assessed. It was determined that they needed to get this poop out. In came the Doctor with his rubber gloves and lube. He stuck his pinkie finger in her bum and dug it out!! We couldn't believe how much there was, it is hard to imagine that this tiny little girl could have that much stuck up inside her! After that they did end up giving her a suppository because he wanted to make sure that she could still go. She ended up pushing it out inside a piece of poop so then they had to put another one in.

My poor baby girl was so tired she hadn't napped all day, she actually fell asleep shortly after they inserted the second one. We waiting about half an hour and she didn't poop - because she was sleeping. They finally told us that we could go home and gave me two more suppository's and two more packs of lube. So after 6hrs in the ER we were finally on our way home.

Anyway, this afternoon my beautiful baby girl had a poop, all on her own without me having to use another suppository!! The Doctor has told me to cut way back on the solids and INCREASE her fluids. Today she had prune juice, water, prunes and breastmilk!