Mothers Day 2016

This Mothers Day is especially hard for me.  Even though I am so thankful to be a mother to one amazing little girl, and another baby on the way I am still finding this day to be very hard.  My mom passed away in October 2015 after fighting heart failure for two years.  Even though it was a long time coming, it was still very hard to see her go.  I remember that day just like it was yesterday, although it was just over six months ago.  My mom was medically being kept alive, the machines and meds that the doctors had her on were literally keeping her heart pumping.  She needed a heart transplant, but before they were even able to get her on the list (they tried numerous other things first), she was too sick to number 1, wait for a heart, and number 2, she would never make it through the surgery.  For the last few days we'd been hearing the same thing, there is nothing more they could do, but that morning they basically said she would never come off of the machines, and she would die up there in ICU.  She was forced to make her own decision.  Stay on medical life support for god knows how long, or turn all the meds off, go off of oxygen and go to sleep peacefully.  I'll never forget that day, my mom chose to die.  She said that she was tired, and she was ready to go.  The doctors said it was a extra emotional case, because most people who were on life support are usually unconscious, and it is their families deciding to withdrawal care, not themselves.

As soon as she made the decision, the paperwork was filed and the process was started.  With family surrounding my mom, the doctors turned off the meds, gave her something to calm her down, and eventually she fell asleep.  After she was comfortable, we removed the oxygen.  She slowly drifted away.  The whole process took approximately 5 hours.  The longest / most difficult 5 hours of my life.  Being able to sit with her, hold her hand, listen to her stories, record a goodbye video for my daughter, laugh with her, cry with her telling us to stop, sit quietly, and just be there, is bittersweet.  I'm not sure what is worse, watching someone slowly decline over a few years, and then sitting with them while they actually go, or being in an accident and them just being gone instantly. I've never dealt with the latter.

My father in law actually passed away nine days prior to my mom, and unfortunately I did not attend his funeral, as I knew it would be one less day that I would get with my mom.  I basically didn't leave the hospital that last week, and I wouldn't change it for a thing.  Those last moments with her I will always cherish.  I'm sure every holiday, birthday, mothers day, etc., will get easier with time, but so far they've all been firsts, and they suck.  As I look forward to the birth of our next child, I'm already upset knowing that she won't be there, as she was in the delivery room for our daughter, and was definitely supportive through my labour.

To my mom, to all moms out there, thank you for being there for us, no matter how horrible we were to you at times, no matter how many bad choices we made (and I've made a ton!), no matter how many times we didn't listen, thank you, thank you, thank you!  Mom, I love you and miss you!! xoxo

 Mom and I, after they'd turned off the meds

Mom, at our wedding in 2011

I'm back and baby 2.0 is on the way!

Hello, hi, how have you been?  I've been gone for a while now, with really no excuse other than I've been busy.  My daughter is now 6, what 6!?  How did that happen!??  So, time has flown by, and I remember I wanted to blog again a few years ago, and I'll be honest...I just didn't feel like it.  I didn't feel like I had the energy.  Between work, school, gymnastics, art classes, swimming, girl guides and the list goes on - I'm too tired.  I didn't want to sit at a computer any longer than I already do in a day. 

Well, once again I will try to start blogging again!  I actually had a book printed out from this blog, of our daughters first year and I'm so glad I did.  Now that I'm expecting our second child (a Christmas baby), I'd really love to keep track of my pregnancy and other things along the way, and I'd love to print off a book eventually for Baby 2.0.  I have my first pre-natal appointment in two days, wish me luck!

Our New House!

We've lived in our condo for almost 7 years, and that will soon be coming to an end. Tomorrow we have our decor appointment where we will pick out all the interior colors including paint, cabinets, hardwood, tile, fixtures, carpet, basically everything. Actually I think it will be fairly easy since we fell in love with the showhome, and basically want our house to look like that. We spent some time this weekend looking at Sofa Land and found some of the furniture we want to get. A sectional, two rows of theater seating and this awesome round chair, which I think will go great in the basement! It will be so nice to have a house, our own four walls not shared, but even better than that we will have a yard! Here is a rendition of the exterior (ours will be grey, purple and white).

It's been a while....

So here I am sitting on my couch at 10pm, Mother's Day 2013 reflecting on what a great day I've had. I woke up to Clint and Makayla trying to sneak out the door to get me breakfast :) They came back with coffee, a bagel, a card and a Pandora charm for my bracelet, and of course hugs, kisses and a big "I love you so much". It's little things like this that remind me, I am loved! Our day was spent swimming at our favorite pool, a visit and dinner with Grandma L., and we even took her to the showhome of the house we are building. Yes that's right, we are building a house! After almost 7 years in our condo it's time to move! We are very excited and can't wait until they break ground. Soon we will have our decor meeting where we will pick all interior things, paint, hardwood, tile, carpet, cupboards, granite, fixtures, etc. It will be a fun (and I'm sure stressful) time! Wow, where has the time gone? Clint and I got married, Makayla turned 2, then 3...and I haven't posted at all. It actually makes me kind of sad. I was really good at posting when she was a "baby", and I actually got this blog printed into a book so she'll have it when she is older. I had so much "time" that first year, when I was on mat leave. Now I am back working (have been for 2.5 years) I just haven't posted, we are always so "busy" and I kind of pushed this to the back burner. Well, I hope to start again!! Today, Makayla said something that made me realize just how quickly she is growing up (although she has taken gymnastics and is in a pre-k class in the evenings) this one little comment just switched something in my mind. Almost a year ago, the morning of July 14, 2012 we were getting ready to go celebrate my 30th birthday when we received a phone call, my grandmother had passed away. Today, Makayla said to me, totally out of the blue while we were sitting at the table, "Mom, why were you sad and crying when you wore that blue polkadot dress?". It took me about 10 seconds to realize what she was referring to, but when I did I was amazed. The last time I wore that dress was that day, and it was almost a year ago, and she was only 2! I almost cried when I figured out what she was asking me, but instead I just explained to her that I was sad that day because my Grandma was very old and that she died that morning. She seemed to understand, "oh", and moved on to the next subject; taking her turn as we were playing candy land. What a big and precious girl my monkey is growing into. Miss you Grandma! So, what else is new? We've been staying busy, learning colors, shapes, letters, singing songs, dancing, dressing up in princess outfits, swimming, last summer we went camping once, and spent a week at FHSR, this past Christmas Makayla really understood that Santa was coming, and all she asked for was glue (for crafts) and a Cinderella toothbrush holder and cup, and my oh my was she excited to find those things under the tree!! We actually captured it on video, and wow it made my whole holiday season! For new years we went to FHSR, where Makayla went skating for the first time. This upcoming summer we've booked two camping trips and I am contemplating booking at FHSR again. Last weekend we checked out the dinosaur park. Makayla was convinced that the dinosaurs were real and was a little nervous at first; we went with Grandma V. and that was fun. Well, I hope to keep posting as I'd love to be able to print another book one day, I guess all we've got left when it's all said and done is the memories, written words and pictures, and boy do I wish I had more of those some days :)

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY....and everything else!

Honestly, where on earth has the time gone! I haven't posted since the end of October; lots has happened since! I actually feel kind of bad as I had planned to update this blog on a regular basis then eventually get it printed out in a book and give it to Makayla when she is older, and now I haven't done anything in months. Well let me try to give an update. Firstly, HAPPY (belated) 1ST BIRTHDAY MAKAYLA! You have no idea how fast this past year has flown by. I can't believe my "baby" is already one. We had planned a wonderful birthday party with approximately 40 of our family and closest friends and had a great turn out. We started off with an afternoon of swimming then moved into a party room with snacks, drinks, presents, cake and even a surprise proposal!

That's right, a complete surprise. Clint had secretly designed a custom engagement ring and he had even taken Makayla with him to Independent Jewellers one day when he told me that they were going to meet some friends for breakfast. We had previously decided on the day we wanted to get married and I had no idea that we would actually become engaged because that wasn't really important to me, but Clint really wanted to do something special; so he did...in front of all of our family and friends! If you know me you know that I don't like attention or people looking at me, so it was horrible but amazing at the same time. Since Clint had told a few people his plan, it was all caught on video so we will have that moment to cherish forever.

Now, back to the birthday girl! Makayla absolutely loved her party (or so I think), this girl is a water baby so I just knew that swimming was perfect for her first party! She quite enjoyed opening her gifts, and boy was she spoiled, which we are so thankful for. I had ordered a Tinkerbell cupcake cake, and she devoured her entire cupcake and we've got pictures to prove it. All in all it was a wonderful day that I will always remember!


Since it is now a few months past Makayla's birthday, she is 14 months and quite the amazing little girl. Not only is she changing physically, longer hair, getting taller, almost a full mouth of teeth, she uses a sippy cup, she's starting to walk, but she is also learning so much too! She knows some of her body parts and it's adorable! Nose, eye, head, hairdo, tummy, belly button (ba babababa bababa) as she says! She also knows where my belly button is and she's always trying to lift up my shirt to expose it, too cute!

Lots of other things have happened; I am now back at work full time (went back November 15th), Makayla attends a dayhome and Clint is still working up north. For me work is work, I like it but I'd rather be at home with my baby, unfortunately that just doesn't work for us financially. Makayla is now onto her second dayhome, she only lasted a month at the first one. LOTS of reasons made us leave, to sum it up we pulled her out because we just didn't feel comfortable with her being there, the lady changed our contract a month in and it boiled down to "I'm going with my gut"! I feel awesome about the one she is going to now, it seems like everyday she comes home with something new. Last week she came home doing sign language for "more", which is great because now she tells me if she is still hungry! Makayla has been sick for a couple of weeks with a cold, yesterday she came home and covered her mouth when she coughed. Each day she is getting better on her feet; tonight she is going all over the place!

Christmas was excellent, we got to spend lots of time with family and had some great meals. Makayla really enjoyed her second Christmas, she was really into opening her gifts....or maybe just playing with the paper. I'm amazed at how much she plays with her toys, she is really independent, wait I take that back, she's independent when she wants to be, hehehehe..... We took Makayala to Candy Cane Lane on December 28, 2010 (a memory from when I was a child) - she slept, we enjoyed it!



As for our wedding, I'm getting excited. Our ceremony and reception are booked and I couldn't be happier with our choices. Caesars Palace Juno Gardens for the ceremony and Maggiano's Little Italy for the reception. Our Save the Date magnets, invitations and some other items arrived on January 5, 2011! I am going to Bridal Fantasy this Sunday with my Maid of Honor, one of my Bridesmaids and my Mom, so we can get some ideas for dresses, centerpieces, and whatever else we can bring to VEGAS!!

I think that is enough of an update for tonight; I'm sure more has taken place over the last few months but that's all I can think of right now! Makayla,

Mommy loves you!!! xoxoxo

Vegas? Why Not?

Clint and I had a "plan" from the day we got together, that can be found under the tab at the top of the page "Our Life Together"; here is a portion of it:

My "hubby guy" and I met on a blind date on September 14, 2006 and basically started dating immediately and we moved in together about a month later. We both wanted children and didn't want to wait forever, having them sooner than later was our plan! A wedding will follow one day, it's not our priority in life, it's not our goal - it's the marriage that we are interested in and not the wedding itself. Don't get me wrong we still look forward to the wedding, but we feel people put to much emphasis on the party, get carried away and spend way to much money. We feel like we are married anyway, we don't necessarily need that piece of paper to make us a "proper couple".

Now that Clint has a really great job, well being away sucks but the money is nice, we can actually afford a wedding and not feel like we need to be spending that money elsewhere. We aren't really the "traditional" couple, we don't want to get married in a hall (we aren't religious so a church is out), and we don't want a hall reception...so Clint suggested Vegas! Yes, why not, that is an awesome idea...it will probably cost about half of what it would here. We aren't planning a "cheesy Vegas wedding", but it will still be fun and definitely memorable! We have been looking into a couple of different options and are hoping to book something within the next few weeks!! Exciting!!!

Online Shopping & Shopping In General!

Well, we have finally broke down and ordered some "big girl" things. This past Thursday I ordered a highchair, and yesterday I ordered a carseat. The carseat since Makayla is outgrowing her infant bucket seat, and the highchair since the bumbo and booster seat just aren't cutting it anymore! I will post some pictures when they arrive!! :)

This past weekend, Makayla, Grandma Linda and I drove to Red Deer to meet Auntie Cindy for the afternoon and to go out for supper! Makayla was very spoiled by her Auntie! Here are some pictures of what Makayla received! THANK YOU AUNTIE CINDY, WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT!